This guest post is by Naomi Aoki, and part of my Summer writers guest series.
I logged into Draft2Digital (D2D) today to check on the publishing progress of a book with Amazon, surprise, surprise, it had not yet gone live. But was even more interesting; annoying as hell was the need to add another layer of kowtowing to Amazon and say that I give D2D permission to publish my books, on my behalf to Amazon. I know, you’d think the fact that uploaded my books to the D2D site and then checked a box would be all the proof that Amazon needed, it’s not for them to stand guard of me and protect me from unscrupulous publishers…. Oh wait, it has nothing to do with protecting me at all. It has everything to do with Amazon trying to further extend the monopoly that they have over the publishing industry, especially where it concerns Indie/Self-publishers.
Amazon is a monopoly, a horrific bullying one who doesn’t care about the publishing world beyond the money it can scrap from authors and readers alike. And its biggest con, Kindle Unlimited. Subscription based services by in large are a good thing; enable a wider reach of a product/service to consumers who might not take the time to try, or in this case, read a new author. But Kindle Unlimited isn’t run like other subscription services, demanding exclusivity without fair compensation. I mean seriously do you really think half a cent per page is a good deal? No, it’s not. Well, it might have been if, as an author you could continue to list your books on other platforms and not become solely dependent upon Kindle Unlimited for income. And yes, yes, I know you can take your books out after ninety-days, but the bulk of an author’s meagre income comes in that short period. Reliant page reads, the addiction to Kindle Unlimited, no matter how they despise it, is hard to break.
And page reads… well to keep up the high number of page-reads each month or to increase them further, isn’t just about promotion. It’s about pushing out more books or increasing the page count of those books – page stuffing scandals have already erupted, and I have no doubt that another scandal will occur around authors manipulating the page count of their books to earn a few more cents. I’ve seen authors put down as their goals for 2019, This year I’m going to put out two books a month. They promise they are going to be quality and while I know every author works at a different rate… but two books? Even those written at the shorter novella length… something has to give. An author’s health; the quality of their books, the growth of their writing. But I suppose when a reader isn’t paying for a book, the way in which they judge it is different; they expect less. And then there is the expectation for authors to put their work on Kindle Unlimited, as though the owe to the readers to provide to them for essentially free. And yes, I have seen comments like: I won’t buy an author’s book if they don’t list them in Kindle Unlimited.
But I am not a hamster running furiously on a wheel. I am not a chimp thumping away on the keyboard hoping to spit out Shakespeare. My writing deserves more than that and while I might make more by abandoning all my morals to shove my work up on Kindle Unlimited, you won’t see my work there.
My latest novel Crossing the Line is now available… and if you’re lucky it might even have gone live on Amazon.
Or if a Dirty Kiwi Cop and their Yakuza Lover isn’t your thing, I’ve also published a late Qing Dynasty/Victorian Historical, Rebellion.
I used to get super nervous in job interviews. Like heart racing, bowel upset, can’t think anxious over job interviews.
And this isn’t a surprise.
In a job interview you’re basically trying to sell yourself. You’re trying to prove that you’re awesome, and the company is trying to determine if you’re the right kind of awesome for them. And they’re trying to sell you on how awesome the company is, and you’re trying to work out the truth of that… it’s a whole can of worns.
It’s a situation that makes you vulnerable. It can feel like if you’re not offered the job in the end, there must be something wrong with you – as a person –
This isn’t at all true by the way. There’s a huge number of reasons coming into play: the timing might be off, another person they’re interviewing might have just a smidge more experience, they could also have someone in mind for the job but wanted to ‘go through the motions’, the interviewer may be having a bad day, or the weather might be affecting them. You might even remind them of someone they don’t want to work with. There’s a lot of reasons, and none of them are your fault.
Whatever. You can’t control those things. The thing you can control is yourself.
Here’s the technique I use, which is stolen almost directly from Harry Potter. Just with less death.
You know the bit at the end of the Deathly Hallows when Harry is about to face Voldemort and possibly die? He pulls the resurrection stone out and turns it. He’s surrounded by his parents, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, a whole lot of friends and adopted family who died. They tell him he’s brave, that they’re proud of him, that he’s done well. It’s a beautiful tear-jerking moment.
I use this idea. I visualise my friends and family around me. I don’t kill them or anything, I just imagine them like they’re astrally projecting.
I go into the interview as prepared as I can, obviously, but once I’m there I sit and imagine people who love me. I imagine them standing behind me, which makes me feel a lot less alone when there’s two to three people on the other side of the table.
I choose people who are super supportive to me in real life. The ones who have my back. The ones who check in on me, the ones I can trust implicitly. I imagine them telling me I’ve got this. Maybe they’re telling me I’m awesome, or maybe they’re just standing and smiling and reminding me I’m not alone.
It’s kind of a form of self talk, and it’s a visualisation for sure. It might sound totally woo-woo. But I’m a geek, and a confirmed Gryffindor, and it’s very reassuring to me. It’s more or less erased my nervousness about job interviews and it frees my mind from the anxiety over ‘what if they don’t like me?’ and allows me to focus on answering the important questions. Not to mention remembering to ask questions of the people doing the interview.
I’ve even had moments when I’ve been asked a question which threw me, and had the feeling like these people standing behind me (Mum, Dad, partner, best friend, etc). One of them leans forwards and says ‘yeah, you know the answer to this’ and the answer comes to me.
I’m sure this technique would also work for other scary situations like public speaking, or going into a new situation like a new workplace, or going to a new meetup or club or something.
If you can contain even some of your nervousness, you’ll come across better in the interview. So, maybe you can try out this technique,and let me know if it works for you.
I’ve had a long day at work. I come home to find that my roommate has trashed the living room. I am no longer surprised by her antics, so I have a drink and from the safety of the kitchen attempt to explain that ideally, we should be able to see most of the floor, most of the time.
We go from discussing inhospitable situations (say, this one) in the real world to inhospitable situations in fictional worlds. I admit, I’ve always been fascinated by people who make homes in strange places. I actually think that’s one of the reasons I like science fiction. Hell yes, I want a house on Mars.
Anyway, we hit upon building homes in corpses and, recognizing the futility reaching the couch anytime soon, I excuse myself, claiming that I am going to write a story about someone living in a dragon skull, because reasons. I am actually kidding. However, what ensues is several hours of watching people on YouTube attempt to make cobb floors, then scribbling something resembling an outline.
Also new roommates, though that’s another story.
Inspiration comes when it comes. It’s not the biggest part of writing— that would be getting the words down —but nobody would write if we as humans didn’t have moments of inspiration and a drive to share them. Besides, telling others about the people we imagine has helped us shape the world, spread joy, make strangers cringe.
Our inspirations don’t have to be about big things. If a big thing that’s happening over much of the world inspires you, then by all means, write your story about it. Enjoy it. Put your heart into it. But! You don’t have to be inspired by big things. You can be inspired by ants if that’s what works for you. “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson was supposed to have been sparked by the author pushing a baby carriage up a hill in summer.
When you are cooking, when you are driving, when you are raking leaves— your mind can spark at any time. Images, conversations, profound concepts which deserve whole novels: there’s always something there. It might be the seeds of one of the most commented upon stories your favorite venue has ever published.
Please keep your eyes on that road if you’re driving, though. The rest of us writers would very much like you to make more stories!
I have been up much too late reading creepypasta, as one does. Once I pull myself away from the screen to stretch, I am startled by streak of white at the bottom of my window. It’s snowed and of course I didn’t even realize.
I am a bit afraid of snow, especially large amounts of snow that obscure the landscape. Featureless, white fields are some spooky stuff. Like an adult, I climb into bed and pull the covers over my head so I don’t have to see or think about this particular snow.
Drifting off to sleep, I imagine an alien wolf stalking down the side of a mountain. I can hear her belief that this place is hers. I hear her hunger.
I reach out from under the covers to grab my notebook, followed by a flashlight.
Not everyone can write things that they’re afraid of, but maybe you are that person who can and who grows from doing it, or at least trying. Then again, maybe you write horror, you do this every day and you’re having a chuckle at my expense right now.
If you can face your fears with words, that’s a great source of story ideas, not just of plots you formulate deliberately, but of things which may or may not literally creep up on you at night.
You should never worry about telling your readers what you’re afraid of. They’re afraid of things too, just maybe different things than you. For instance, most of your readers will never have dreaded their inbox pinging upon the arrival of a response from your dream market. This does not, however, mean that you can’t share your terror with them.
It’s raining. I am sitting at my desk listening to a cassette tape of darkwave music a friend gave me. It’s a lot different than the kind of music I prefer, but I live in a small town with a DJ who plays unusual 80’s music after midnight and I think I could get to enjoy this. I have only been writing for a few years, but I know that I could turn out an amazing story to the one song. Now, if only I could find the words.
They aren’t there, so I wait.
Twenty years pass.
I sell my first short story.
I find out that one of my favorite semipro venues is taking submissions for the next month.
I sit down at my computer. It’s raining again. I play the song. I remember thinking I could never be published.
But, a few weeks later I cross off my first dream venue. I’m not sure many people know I was trying to write a story that felt like listening to wailing synths. Or that I like darkwave.
A lot more stories are inspired by music than people let on. Saying you got an idea from a song is really not that unusual, though it has an ignominy to it which frankly, given our music-infused culture, seems a bit odd.
So what if we wrote bad song fic in high school? If we crank Phil Collins tracks on repeat when we think no one else is listening? Our shame when it comes to the connections between songs, between other forms of art, and our writing, is getting a bit silly at this point. The first InCryptid book by Seanan McGuire has a suggested list of dance tracks in the back, so said shame seems to be fading at least.
However, there’s no need to rush into any story. Sparks can and do die, but sometimes they linger on for hours, weeks, months, years, decades. It’s very OK to let an idea marinate. In fact, some ideas are much better after they mature.
If you’re concerned about forgetting your sparks, the best thing you can do is carry around some form of paper and pen. It’s low tech, cheap, and highly effective. Have an idea, write it down. I bet it will look lonesome on the page sooner or later, and soon you’ll have a good, old-fashioned writer notebook.
Then again, if you think you’d find a playlist more inspiring sometime next week, absolutely make a playlist.
I am sitting at the coffee table beading. I have come to a series of monotonous stitches. I’m not exactly bored, but I’m not exactly engaged. I can literally do what I’m doing right now and make eye-contact with another person. I just happen to be alone.
I am filled with the image of a woman in a 50’s day dress holding a bloody hand scythe. I know how she came to be in her situation, but I also have a need, intense and dreamy, to explain this to other people. That way, we can appreciate her together.
I am also pretty sure this is not what most people think of when they’re beading.
There’s a reason a lot of classical authors had dull jobs. There’s just something about zoning out doing one thing that makes the plotbunnies thrive. What if part of the reason we have so much amazing science fiction right now is because, once again, so many people get bored at work? Hmm, actually that’s a depressing thought…
However, it’s possible to get the inspiration benefits of a mindless job and create something amazing at the same time. Moreso than even carrying a notebook, I believe it’s important for writers to engage with the world in a way that isn’t words. Knitting, painting, singing, dirt biking— whatever sounds like a party to you, strive to make wondrous things with something besides fiction. By doing so, you’ll keep your brain limber, you may well stumble across a source of endless of birthday presents for your friends and the zen of monotony can be yours whenever you wish.
Besides, even the act of trying new things can be inspiring, so do that thing you’ve been thinking of doing instead of worrying about being stuck on your dream story.
It’s the start of another long, hot Arizona summer. I am annoyed with having to live in a timeline where literary torture porn is considered art and Hulu is getting awards for theirs. My sibling is on the phone, complaining about the initiative at her hospital to guilt women for declining to breastfeed.
My first thought its I’ll show you (some nebulous, hypothetical you) literary. Well, what’s literary? Found manuscripts with lacunae are literary! Again, apparently.
I write what was originally the first line. “You didn’t tell me she was pregnant.” I sit back and I think— that is a proper Naomi Mitchison pipe bomb opening. This is what actual pro-woman fiction looks like. I then bang on about beading and ships for five-thousand words.
Personally, I find anger very inspiring. But again, you don’t have to be angry about big things, or even the same things other people are angry about. You don’t even have to be angry at all if that isn’t what inspires you. Every author is different. But if you are angry, even over something trivial, it’s very OK to put the energy of your anger towards your writing.
My bookmarks are frankly embarrassing in this regard. I imagine that another person looking at them and not knowing what they were for being utterly appalled by some of them! I know one thing about them though: whatever they are, and however they do it, they inspire me. They are good for something, even if that’s the only thing in the whole, wide world.
You know, I don’t think that’s a big inspiration thing at the end of the day. I know what makes my author motors run. I am only myself. I can make suggestions all day every day, but I cannot know what will or won’t tickle the fancy of someone reading this essay and hoping to sell to Uncanny someday.
Only you can know yourself as a writer when it comes to inspiration. So, if you’re reading this, here’s a fun exercise— why don’t you imagine sitting me down and telling me the top three things that give you story ideas. No worries if you need to think about it some. This can be a challenging question. It is one, however, that I absolutely know you have the answer to.
You’ve probably figured out what my three main sources of inspiration are.
-The desire to share surreal scenes with other people
But, that’s me. Your inspiration, however you get it, is wonderful, precious and probably sometimes kind of a jerk. It is also, first and foremost, absolutely yours.
Though incidentally, if any of you know what other people think about when they’re beading, please tell me. I never did get an answer for that.
M. Raoulee is a queer author and artist howling with the grasshopper mice somewhere in Arizona. She has previously appeared in Broken Metropolis, Lackington’s and other fine venues which accept spite. In fact, you can go read three of the five stories above right now if that’s your jam. Catch her on Twitter, Instagram and www.mraoulee.net. Look out for the one-eyed tortie.
This is the first in a series of Guest Posts where I’ve posed some deeply serious questions to some awesome writers. My questions are in bold.
Who are you and what have you done with the Real TJ? I had to laugh, because I have actually gotten rid of the real TJ… or at least tucked her away out of sight. I used to work in national politics, so I crafted a pen name to keep my fiction separate from my work. (You never want your coffee shop AUs to besmirch your candidate’s good name. Granted, this was back when appropriate behavior in politics was an actual concern. ahem)
Over time, my political work waned and writing became my day job, so TJ eclipsed my original identity. Even my family has started calling me TJ. Even though… and this is a secret… there is no “J” in my real name. Every once in a while, someone from my old life finds me and is like, “You do what now?!”
If you had to describe yourself in terms of a soft drink, which would you be and why?
I am a Pepsi 1893. No one knows I exist, but when they discover me, they’re delightfully surprised by my nuanced complexity and smoky sweetness.
Harry Potter world: what house are you? And what animal would be your patronus?
I am so Ravenclaw that even non-Harry Potter fans have rolled their eyes at me and said, “Ugh, you’re so Ravenclaw.” My favorite phrase is, “Let me google that.” I’m currently taking five different classes and learning seven languages. I’m utterly ridiculous, but I will get that A+ if it kills me. I think, in 2019, I’m working on developing my gentler Hufflepuff side a little bit. My patronus would be a hedgehog. Prickly at first, but cuddly and friendly if you know how to approach the right way.
Are you a Thing Everything Through Before Acting person or a Great Idea Let’s Try It! Person?
Oh, I’m totally a think everything through before taking action person. I can never stop my brain from going a thousand miles an hour in a dozen different directions.
My only hope is to corral that energy into productive and not destructive channels. I’m also working on saying “yes” to more things. I tried it last year, and ended up in some wonderful situations that I would have declined in the past. Everyone ask me to coffee–I will show up!
What got you into writing?
I started writing when I was about ten. I read Five Go Off in a Caravan by Enid Blyton and was completely in love with the descriptions of four kids camping together alone. They would just randomly approach farmhouses and buy slabs of meat and baskets of eggs. The farmer’s wife made them cakes. It was darling. I immediately wrote Famous Five fanfiction, though back in the eighties, we didn’t call it fanfiction. I think we just called it plagarism. Anyway, I haven’t stopped writing since.
Why do you write now?
Ideas just keep showing up and I’m compelled to write them down. Whether I’m reading a nonfiction book, watching mindless televison, or grocery shopping, I keep discovering stories that tug on the edges of my consciousness. I love writing about people and the complex relationships they have. I also love writing about bizarre occurrances. In science fiction and horror, I get to do both.
What’s the earliest story you can remember reading and loving? Socks for Supper! It’s a children’s book about an old man and his wife who have only turnips to eat. The wife begins knitting socks and trading them to a neighbor for milk and cheese. She runs out of yarn and begins unraveling her husband’s sweater to get them more cheese. Eventually, she makes a new sweater for the neighbor. It’s too big for him, but he gives her the cheese anyway and hands her back the sweater, which perfectly fits her now-chilly husband. It’s so cute and warm-hearted that I bought it for my own kids to read. And as a big fan of cheese, this book spoke to me on a visceral level.
What’s a book you remember reading as a teenager and absolutely loving? I inexplicably fell in love with Jane Eyre as a teenager when it was assigned in class. I wanted nothing more than to marry a wealthy man with a mentally ill wife hidden in his attic. Now that I’m an adult, there’s just a heater in my attic and if anyone knows how to change an HVAC filter, please DM me.
What are you reading right now? I just finished Today Will Be Different, by Maria Semple. I’m taking a class with Maria and not only is she an excellent teacher, her writing is fantastic. Something about that book just resonated with me–despite the fact that the protagonist is intentionally unlikeable. I just sailed through the story and even teared up at the end, which is unusual for me.
What’s a book that you have on your shelf that you think might surprise people? I just finished the A-Z Guide to Black Oppression by Elexus Jionde. The cover is both shocking and beatiful–a nude black woman lying in a pool of blood and covered with hundred dollar bills. The book goes through aspects of racism and systemic oppression with both historical notes and anecdotal illustrations. It’s a rough and important read. Pay black women for their labor and buy this book.
Are you a stop reading at the end of the chapter, mid chapter, or just whenever reader? I have a goal of reading 25% of my current book each night. Now it doesn’t always happen, but when I reach that mark, I stop unless the chapter is really intriguing. If I finish a book in less than four sittings, I know it hooked me.
What book would you like everyone to read?
The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur was a surprising read for me. I’m not usually into poetry (sorry, poet friends!) but this book just grabbed me. Her poems are visceral and affecting. As a collection, they tell a story about womanhood that many of us understand.
Can you name some formative books for your own writing? I read a lot of Stephen King as a teenager and I think that’s where my love of clean, stark prose comes from. The elegance of his stories is in the images he evokes, not the elaborateness of the word choices. I also loved Asimov and Hubbard as a kid. Oh and Piers Anthony. In some ways, what I write is in direct conversation with what those guys were doing. I see their flaws and low points and aim to riff off their work in a way that doesn’t have the same pitfalls. I can’t wait until thirty years from now when some kid is saying the same thing about me.
How do you organise your personal library? (alphabetical, dewey decimal, what’s your system?)
I moved cross-country a few years ago, so I had to get rid of most of my books. (I know, but movers charge by the pound!) I mostly read on my Kindle, but I buy physical copies of friends’ books so I can have them signed. I put them on my shelves in the order in which I buy them. Looking back through the spines, it’s a timeline of the signings I’ve been to and the friendships I’ve made.
Creative writing in primary school, what did you write about? Can you remember any stories?
I was such a secondary-world fantasy writer back then! Which is funny, because I don’t go near that genre now. I think because I associate it with my own childish writing. I still have some of those manuscripts tucked away around here. I had whole series’ written. I was quite prolific as a kid, but rarely showed anyone.
What do you do/where do you go for inspiration? Inspiration filters through everything I do as I go about my day. I’ll hear a phrase that sticks in my head or see a name that would make an intriguing city name. I have a huge file in which I capture these ideas. Some get made into stories and others wait for the future. I will say that having my file was incredibly helpful when I attended the six-week Clarion West writing workshop. About week five, when inspiration had deserted me and exhaustion had set in, I was able to open my ideas file and find a couple of things to cobble together into a story.
Is there anything you’ve seen passed around as writing advice that you really disagree with?
I’m at odds with the hardline “write every day” crowd. I tend to write on weekdays, because this is my full time job, but I’m at my best when I’m binge-writing. The longer I write for, the more I get into a state of flow and the work is better. Thirty minutes a day wouldn’t have the same effect. I aim to write 3-4 days a week for at least six hours at a time. You really have to experiment and find the process that helps you produce your best work.
Do you believe in a divine muse, and if so, what’s yours like? I do belive the muse arrives, but only after you’ve put in the work. I tend to be hit with divine inspiration around two hours into a hard writing slog. Some tidbit zings me, the clouds open, and the words pour out as fast as I can get them down. But I have to be doing the work first in order to get that lightning bolt.
What does your physical writing space look like?
I’m lucky enough to have my own office at home. One wall is covered with a huge 10′ x 10′ felt pinboard where I put up story ideas, enamel pins, and memorabilia like convention badges. I have a window that looks out on a very active hummingbird feeder and the entire neighborhood. But that means when a car pulls in, I have to duck so no one sees me. I do not answer my door during work hours.
When I need a change of scenery, I head to a building in Seattle that has a hidden- but-public lobby with tables, private offices, a café, and couches. I grab breakfast, work at a table or office for a while, people-watch out the windows, then settle into the couches to read. It’s like having a free co-working space. No, I’m not telling you where it is.
Are you more a ‘write drunk, edit sober’ Ernest Hemingway, or a ‘shut the door, eliminate all distractions and write for a set amount of hours’ Stephen King?
I definitely take more of the Stephen King approach. I sit down at a set time and pound out words until quitting time. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth, sometimes it sails along. This is akin to the Ditch Diggers philosophy of writing (if you haven’t listened to that podcast, you should). Writing is a job like digging ditches. Ditch diggers don’t wait around for inspiration. They do the work.
Open up your skeleton closet: can you tell me about an abandoned project of yours which seemed awesome when you started but you’ll likely never return to?
I wrote an allegorical story meant to talk about the state of US politics and how it affects the most vulnerable people in society. It wasn’t until I got feedback from a few sensitivity readers that I realized some of the scenes evoked the pain of marginalized people to further the story. I debated whether this was my story to tell and decided to trunk it.
Any advice for anyone looking to start writing?
You only get better by practicing, so just start writing. It’ll be terrible at first, but you’ll eventually understand how to arrange words in the way that sounds right to you. Get in the chair!
Star Wars or Star Trek? Star Trek!
Hogwarts or Narnia? Hogwarts. The Turkish Delight is a lie.
Ideal holiday, price and time no concern, where would you go? I’d live on a ship for a year. There’s a cruise liner called The World which never stops sailing. You just get on and off wherever you want. It’s my dream to live there.
If you could plan perfect meals for a day, what would each be, and would you snack?
Okay, if perfect means how I shoud be eating, here’s what I would do: Meal planning is a task I enjoy. It’s the Ravenclaw in me. We have a diabetic in our household, so we tend to avoid sugar, starches, and grains. Most days, I eat an avocado, bell peppers and vegetable dip for breakfast. I’m not hungry for lunch, so I tend to grab nuts or pepperoni as a snack. Dinner is usually some kind of protein with roasted veggies and a salad. If the question refers to how I would like to eat, it would be hot, fresh Jersey Shore pizza sices as big as your head and cupcakes all day.
Imagine you won one of those ‘grab a cart and spend five mins in a store’ competitions. Which store would you want to win it for, and what goods would you be shoving in the cart first?
There is a local jewelry maker who has a shop called Angelwear Creations and I absolutely love all of her items. In five minutes, I could have one of everything.
Planet necklaces, beehive earrings, spiral galaxy jewelry… I’m flushed just thinking about it.
Imagine you’ve had your best ever year, what photos would you have from that year? Lots of travel with family, photos of us having fun in new places. Trying new foods, meeting old and new friends. And castles.
Desert island castaway time: you get three albums, three books and a luxury item, what do you choose?
For albums I’ll pick the Pacific Rim Soundtrack, Def Leppard’s Hysteria, Levi Patel’s Affinity. Books I’ll take Jane Eyre, Madame Bovary, and Great Expectations. For a luxury item I’ll take tweezers because nothing will be more annoying than getting a splinter on a desert island without tweezers.
What’s your favourite quote? It’s just one of those random insiprational memes, but it speaks to me: “Sometimes the fear won’t go away, so you’ll just have to do it afraid.”
Pokemon: if you were a trainer, what pokemon would be in your team? (you get 6)
Iron Man, Magneto, Frozone, Deadpool, Storm, and The Ancient One
Weirdest hobby you have, other than writing?
I take random glassblowing classes all the time. I don’t even want the glass thing you get at the end, I just want to play with the honey-like melted glass. I really want to touch it. But I won’t. Probably.
TJ Berry grew up between Repulse Bay, Hong Kong and the Jersey shore. She has been a political blogger, bakery owner, and spent a disastrous two weeks working in a razor blade factory. She now writes science fiction from Seattle with considerably fewer on-the-job injuries.
Back before the internet’s obsession with self-care, I would’ve called it pampering, or the more long winded ‘stopping to smell the roses’. But the analogy I think works best is ‘what would you do on a sick day?’
Because imagine for a moment, you’ve got a cold, a nasty virus, whatever. You’re staying home from work, and you suddenly have a whole day in front of you. Sure, you could do the dishes and the vacuuming and the million other chores which need to happen, but you don’t, right? You take care of yourself so you can get well again.
Self care is looking after yourself mentally and emotionally. It’s listening to what your body needs, what your mind needs, and then giving yourself those things. It’s about doing something to nourish yourself. And you don’t just do it when you’re sick. You do it whenever you can.
Self care is for everyone
You know how on the airplane safety video they say to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others? Self care is like that too. You might be running yourself ragged dealing with your co-worker’s issues, and need some emotional space for yourself. You might be trying to do too many things in a day and find yourself feeling overwhelmed. There are hundreds of ways we push ourselves too far.
There’s a tendency to think ‘yeah, I’m stressed but it will pass’, or ‘it’s not that bad’. But you can help the stress pass faster with self care. You can energise yourself, you can give yourself some down time which makes things better, so why wouldn’t you?
Self care is whatever you need it to be
When you start reading about self care, you’ll see a lot of ‘essential’ lists. Some of these might have useful things for you in them, and some might have entries which if you were to do them, would just stress you out more. This is because self care is different for everyone.
Early on in my journey I was a devotee of Gala Darling, who preaches something called Radical Self Love. I’ve since fallen off the Gala bandwagon; as her brand developed and I became more of myself, we weren’t a match anymore. But I always think of her sad trombone list. It’s a catch all 100 entry list of things you can try which might make you feel better, and a lot of those were never going to work for me but I did find one or two which did.
The ‘guilty pleasure’ entry. One of the things I do to soothe myself during times of stress is watch Romantic Comedies. There’s a couple of reasons I like doing this: RomComs are formulaic, you know the basic story structure going in so there won’t be any jarring surprises or unpleasant twists. They always end happily ever after, which is comforting, and they feature pretty people in nice clothes and often fancy locations, so they’re just nice to look at.
Romantic Comedies certainly won’t work for everyone, and they also require the freedom to sit still (or lie on the couch with a blanket) for a couple of hours while you watch them. You need to find the things which will comfort you in the time available to you.
You should also take into account your own introvert vs extrovert tendencies. If you’re an introvert who’s been to a lot of busy, people filled events recently then some alone time will probably help. If you’re an extrovert who’s been alone or doing solo work, you may need a catch up with a close friend, or a rowdy dinner with a bunch of friends.
How do I find something that will work?
A very wise woman recently asked me “what grounds you?” and I didn’t immediately have a response. I’d not ever thought of things I do as grounding me. But she teased out the question some. Where have you gone where you can turn your mind off a little? When can you remember feeling calm and relaxed, what were you doing?
For me it was going for walks in my local park, or going to the beach and just staring at the ocean. The different environmental qualities there work for me. Parks with trees have a higher oxygen concentration, the ocean generates negative ions which physically make you feel better.
Another thing for me is sewing. I’ve been sewing since I was a kid and learned patchwork off my mother as a teenager, so it has a lot of positive associations for me. Sitting at the sewing machine and creating something new can put me into a flow state which is naturally relaxing.
Other not so obvious forms of self care I or people I know have used include:
Video games ( console or mobile)
Watching horror movies
Going to a museum
A long hot bath and early to bed
Bundle up with a warm blanket and a book
Cooking or baking
Cycling slowly through a park
Think about a time you’ve been totally at peace, what were you doing? Can you do some version of that? If like me, you love the ocean, why not make a picture of the ocean the wallpaper on your desktop or cellphone, so you see it more often? If you like walks in the park, listen to some ambient bird and wind noises while you work.
Now go try something!
Remember there’s no right or wrong answers. Whatever makes you feel like you have a full drawer of spoons again, or fills your cup, or gives you some serenity is successful self care. I’d love to hear from you in the comments if you have any particular techniques which work for you.
Here’s some soothing links to help you on your journey:
Directed by Victor Fleming and apparently 4 uncredited dudes
Screenplay written by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allen Woolf based on the book by L Frank Baum… apparently there are also a large committee’s worth of contributing writers as well
This is one of those movies I can probably recite, if someone needed me to. I guess we had it on video when I was a kid and me and my sister watched it quite a lot. The beautiful thing about watching it again on blu ray (special anniversary edition) is that you can see so much detail. In the Munchkinland sequences you can see which munchkins aren’t singing or dancing.
Judy Garland shines in this film, and it’s hard to know if it’s because she was high or drunk or just because she’s a fantastic actor. The songs are beautiful, especially Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
Random trivia about this movie is everywhere, because it’s been popular so long. How about this one? According to lead Munchkin Jerry Maren, the “little people” on the set were paid $50 per week for a 6-day work week, while Toto received $125 per week. That and the fact that most of the Wicked Witch’s scenes were edited down or cut entirely because she was too scary. I can believe it, she terrified me as a kid, her and the flying monkeys.
Of course none of this was as scary as the amazing Return To Oz where there was the Deadly Desert, The Wheelers and head removing Princess Mombie, following on from an evil psychiatric asylum and electric shock treatment. Don’t get me wrong, I freaking love that movie, but it terrified me. This movie seems very easy to deal with in comparison!
Overpaid or not, Toto is a very good dog though, you can see him offering his paw to Dorothy to shake in the Somewhere Over the Rainbow sequence even after she shakes his wee paw. He does stunts and runs where he’s told, it’s adorable.
I actually noticed something I never have before: in the sequence where they’re in the haunted forest they’ve all armed up. I had noticed the Lion had a net before, but not that the Tin Man has a gigantic spanner or that the Scarecrow is pointing a hand gun around the place. I wonder where they got a gun in Oz?
There are so many moments that have been spoofed in such excellent ways – the Winkies ‘oh wee oh’ sequence as Burns’s guards in the Simpsons and of course as Oreos in Wreck it Ralph. This film has entered our lexicon when it comes to moving images. Then of course is the advent of Wicked, which tells the story from the Wicked Witch’s point of view and makes the whole thing a lot more political.
Does it make me love the people? Oh yes. From the very start, Dorothy is a sweet, dreaming and getting in the way. I noticed on today’s watch how protective Glinda is at the start of the movie, when they’re talking to the Wicked Witch she keeps her arms around Dorothy and gives her advice. It’s quite lovely.
Bechdel test: Yes, in virtually the second line, Dorothy talks to Aunt Em about the things Miss Gulch said she’d do to Toto. In fact it passes over and over again with Glinda and The Wicked Witch of the West but that shouldn’t be a surprise given the source material is unapologetically feminist.
Best line: based on what I mostly quote it’s “To the Emerald City, as fast as lightning!”
But I also love what the witch says as she dies “what a world, what a world…” I’m sure we all feel like that when we die, huh?
Wizard: “Remember, a heart is not judged by how much you love, but how much you are loved by others.”
State of mind: It really is a pity that the Wonderful Wizard of Oz that came out a couple of years ago was so misogynistic and bad. It would be really nice to have a new tale from Oz…